Sunday, January 18, 2009

Chapter six

With the bus hurtling through time and space at alarming velocity, Melinda decided to make her move. She stood up and careened down the aisle toward the elderly driver and approached the woman forwardly.

"You have to let me off! We already passed my stop!" Melinda reported forcefully to the crone.

"Shaddap-a you faze wenna da buzz is inna da motion!" snarled the old woman in retort. She jerked her thumb to a sign posted above her seat that indicated something similar to her prior dialog. She then slammed an orthopedic shoe down hard on the accelerator and swiveled the steering wheel with a kind of expert violence that permitted the bus to rocket through traffic without crashing into much of anything. Melinda was thrown back into one of the seats.

"You might as well sit back and enjoy the ride," chortled the flabby man in the safari clothing, looming over her seat-back from behind like a demented Muppet. "Mother is a force of nature and can't be argued with."

Melinda didn't know what to say. She was ticked off and scared at the same time. Suddenly she noticed a half a sandwich being foisted upon her by the man. "Peace offering," he winked.

"No thanks," said Mindy. "I had my heart set on pancakes."

"Oh but this is a pancake sandwich! I insist..." Mindy took the bread and indeed noticed a generous chunk of blueberry pancake in between the bread, dripping with chocolate sauce. She took a bite and smiled.

"Wee Chee," said the fellow behind her, introducing himself. "Alonso Alfonso Luigi Chichirone III. But my friends call me Wee Chee. Wee Chee Chee Chee to be exact. I'm in the cryptozoology biz."

"Mmmft," said Mindy, swallowing her sandwich. "You mean you hunt Big Foot and Loch Ness Monsters and all that?"

"Harumfph," harumphed the man. " I wouldn't waste my time on such small game. No, my little toboggan, I am after the cryptiest of crypto-critters the BeempBomp!"

Before Melinda could ask what the heck that was, a tall figure emerged from the back, wheeling a tray of food-like substances.

"Oy 'ope everybody's feeling SPLENDID!" the figure boomed in a bad Australian accent. Melinda adjusted her eyes to take in the figure of a mutton-chopped goof in a tie and striped shirt worn under an apron. Printed on the apron front were the words : "OGDEN NOSH: THE SPLENDID GOURMET."

"I think I just lost my appetite" she said to no one in particular.